A part-timer are supposed to get involved in a certain activity for less than the actual time, or not get fully involved. It is the part-timer’s right to spend less time than those who work full time. Part-timers spend less working hours compared to the full time workers, and their workload are not as heavy as the full-timers; though the duties are maybe the same.

It is also the part-timers right if they cannot stick to a working schedule that is fixed for a regular basis. As I have said before, part-timers are only involved in less than the regular time provided. Part-timers should be allowed to keep they’re own unfixed schedule, or in other words part-timers are allowed to have a very flexible time-availability. Because if they are to follow a regular schedule, that means they are full-timers!

To be honest, not everybody can understand this simple concept. 

I have an unpleasant expereince with this part-time mambo jambo…

I am the a part-time employee of a certain company. In my contract it is said that I should have an 8-hour-availability in one week. OK I’ve got 8 hours of available time already, and I’ve told my boss about this. The problem is that a certain person–my boss’ subordinate who takes care with the scheduling–made a policy that all part-timers should collect their time availability schedule. The weakness of this policy is that whoever collects their available time chart should really stick to it and are forced to not change the schedule. Pretty strange right?

As I said previously, I am a part-timer and I chose to work part time because I have many other things to do, which in fact has no fixed time schedule. So my spare time can be very unpredictable. But with this stupid available time policy, my rights to be a part-timer is completely violated. 

Now, if  I am supposed to submit such schedule, that means I am a part-timer who is working full time. Damn!! I’m just like a free bird, but my wings are clipped and I couldn’t fly away freely.

Last year, I spent Easter in a foreign place, away from my close friends and families. Away from the festivity of Jogjakarta, in a small coal-mining town of Sangatta, East Kalimantan.

This year I’m no longer in East Kalimantan and I’m celebrating Easter with my loved ones around me. But that doesn’t mean that I’m free of  pain and probelms. Luckily, I can signify the meaning of of this year’s Easter.

And my Easter meaning is: “Celebrating Easter in pain, in hopes for an Easter miracle.”

Why in pain? The reason is that I’ve been having a very severe case of toothache. It started in Wednesday and hasn’t ceased until this very minute.  The worst pain I felt was on Thursday morning until afternoon. I couldn’t sleep, eat, or talk. I’ve taken several kinds of pain killers but it done no good to me. Those painkillers only stalled my pain and agony. I was so desperate that day and could only scream in pain, when suddenly I passed out. When had I woken up, my toothache was gone–well, not totally.  Then I prayed to GOD to take away my toothache, at least through out the Maundy Thursday mass.

GOD answered my prayers by giving me the chance to follow the Maundy Thursday mass solemnly.

From the pain that I’ve been having yesterday and through out today, I can conclude that however painful I was, Christ’s pain is more unbearable. He’s taken all the sins of the world upon his shoulder, yet he said nothing or complained to noone.

HAPPY EASTER EVERYBODY

“Life, friends, is boring. We must not say so… And moreover my mother taught me as a boy (repeatingly) ‘Ever to confess you’re bored means you have no Inner Resources.’ I conclude now I have no inner resources, because I am heavily bored.”

-John Berryman an American Poet-

Bored, that’s how I am now. I cannot focus on the things I have done or on the what I’m about to do. I don’t have the same kind of enthusiasm that I always have in the morning and I feel a li’l agitated. Not that I know the cause of it, but it all just happened after I arrived at home last night.

Ever since I don’t have the kind of spirit to do the things I’m supposed to do. The state of being agitated gets even worse day by day. I have violated my own targets and I find it difficult to set my objectives again. On the other hand there are about two or three deadlines that I have to finish before the middle of this month. This is B.A.D.!What’s more I kept on feeling restless and gets easily carried away with the situation that I’m going through. I get ablaze, set myself on fire, when the situation around me gets really-really hot!

Then when everything is going from bad to worse, the other side of me would always try to take over and be on the surface. And with me being agitated like this, it’s getting even harder to control him.

My boredom has put mysel in a condition that made me swerve uncontrollably.

Ironic! Very, very ironic. She started it and taught me something called commitment and then turned the whole damn thing around.

Looking back on the past I can still reminiscent what she said to her friends that I was “the one she wanted” and that “I’m perfect for her”. Well of course I didn’t hear it directly, I just heard it from my friends, which they have heard it from their friends who are actually her friends. She always said that I was the one she has been hoping to have and that she would dedicate herself to me for ever.

We started as friends and that rainy afternoon around the end of year 2002 we, no I, began the relationship which she said to be “the most anticipated” episode in her life (that time). And so it was, she turned my life around, gave some colors to my life, attached me to her humongous family, and managed my life. Everything was beautiful. She even taught me about commitment and how to love somebody whole-heartedly. I learnt fast. Very fast in fact that I was unaware and got blinded.

My world was all about her and around her. I was possessed. Almost 2 years I lived in that brightly-colored world of illusions. When suddenly someone or something shook me off and brought me back to reality. And from that point on I realized that I had been cheated big time!

But it was too late. She’s already slipping of my hands and all her lessons about being committed to one another started to crumble and falling apart into big chunks which shattered to the hard ground into smithereens. It turned the other way around. Then, she broke me up saying all sorts of things; from all the lies that I’ve shared to the part of me being so childish. From my dreams—which she thought to be unrealistic and vague—to the lack of treatment & attentions that she has received from me. She unfolded it all to me from A to Z.

She did all of those things to hide her deceits, her sins, her flaws. Once again she blinded me with all her words and no matter how I apologized… Well, it turned out to be so useless. Even my existence and my presence for her was a total mess that should be erased and corrected.

Years passed and soon I realized that what she had taught me during those days were not about commitment and true love. In fact it was all about infidelities, betrayals and most of all about hatred.

I learnt the true meaning of being unfaithful from her. I also learnt that it was because of her I entered this hypocritical world. I hate hypocrites and she’s one of those worst hypocrites ever to live on Earth.

Pagi jam 10 an, ada cewek dengan mulut busuknya nuduh aku yang macem-macem. Masa liburan yang singkat dengan segala keterbatasan dan dengan tujuan mendekatkan diri dengan alam serta berpetualan itu dituduhnya sebagai ajang berhomo ria. Bangsat betul tuh cewek!!! Ngaku-ngaku temen, ternyata busuk juga mulutnya. Udah bikin masalah, eh… malah maunya lari. Trus minta maaf gitu. Tau’ tuh, permintaan maaf cuma ekting atau tulus, yang jelas dia dah masuk black listku. Ngakunya temen deket, ternyata. BUOSOK!!!

Belum kelar dongkolnya dari cewek ini, eh satu lagi bikin masalah. Bener tuh slogan sebuah rokok yang keluarnya dah jaman taun jebot itu yg bilangnya, “Tua itu pasti, dewasa itu pilihan.”
Umurnya dah lumayan kacek kalo dibandingin aku. Tapi, lagaknya kadang kayak anak kecil, terutama soal kado ulang tahun. Apa sih artinya kado? Emang harus ngasih kado ya kalo ada yang ultah? Emang kado itu hukumnya wajib yan bagi orang yang ultah? Enggak kan? Tapi dia ngotot minta kado. Huh, kayak anak kecil aja. Dasar!

And thanks to you all… you’ve made my day turned red, then black!!

Sabtu kira-kira jam 5.30 sore aku tiba di pantai itu, dan kata pertama yang terucap dariku adalah: “wow keren!!” Sedangkan kata pertama yang kudengar adalah: “Wilsoooon!!!”

Adalah berkat Tuhan sehingga aku bisa menjejakkan kakiku di pantai itu. I had doubts on my way there, but eventully those doubts faded away by the time I saw the ocean and its great waves.

Tujuan kami ke pantai itu adalah untuk mengasingkan diri dari peradaban selama satu malam aja. Keluar dari rutinitas kami masing-masing.

Puas dengan potret memotret kami langsung menaiki sebuah bukit yang menjulang di sebelah timur pantai itu untuk menemukan tempat berteduh selama semalam. Found a small shelter and we prepared everything for the upcoming night which was drawing near.

Di tempat yang terbatas itu aku bisa lebih mendekatkan diriku dengan alam. Mencoba berkontemplasi tentang segala kesuntukanku selama ini. Mencoba mendekatkan diriku dengan Tuhan dengan mengagumi keindahan yang telah dia ciptakan. Di tempat itulah aku bisa merasakan empati yang dalam kepada para tentara yang telah wafat di sepanjang pantai utara Normandia dan di pulau Iwo Jima. Dan setiap kali mendengar deburan ombak yang menghantam salah satu karang yang ada di pantai itu, temanku akan mengatakan, “Itulah suara meriam 88 yang ditembakkan oleh para tentara Jerman kepada musuh-musuhnya.” Memang, suaranya mirip kok.

Esok harinya aku menceburkan diri ke laut untuk membasuh diriku. Aku mencoba menghilangkan segala bebanku yang telah memuncak 2 malam sebelumnya. Mencoba menenggelamkan alter egoku yang sudah menguasai lebih dari separo kepribadianku yang sebenarnya.

He got swept by the tide that was coming due to the storm that happened somewhere there in the middle of the ocean. He is gone now. But he‘s gonna come back. When? Hell knows.

This was my personal sunset...